I often hesitate speaking up about issues that affect me as I struggle with my aging body. It’s hard to claim my truth about the impact of pain. But it is something so many people are struggling to overcome. I just finished listening to a podcast with Democratic Congresswoman Gwen Moore, who is my age, and she ended up talking about her arthritis as an example of the need to cover preexisting medical conditions. My speaking out also gives me agency to look for solutions. When I hear about something that seems like it could be effective I don’t hesitate to look into it. And I think that by occasionally adding these stories of where I am struggling I may encourage others to give me some feedback on what works for them. We can get through this together.
Now we are both 64
Yes it was actually back in April but for a few weeks we are the same age as in the Beetles song so long ago. This song is all about the aging of the baby boom generation. We were the young when we heard this song and now we are slowly moving off stage. Our hair has turned gray except for the occasional hair dye. The children of the boomers are grown and living on their own. And we are planning for retirement if not actually retired. We are looking at what kind of legacy we wish to leave our children and their children.
But there is still work to do. In some cases the issues that were considered settled during our youth are being given new clothes and sent out to the ball. There is a chance that North Carolina will pass a law allowing people to refuse to perform interracial marriages or serve such couples on the grounds of religious objection. The Loving case back in the 60s had cleared away that issue. It’s done. Nothing to litigate. But wait the bigots of the past are waving a new stick to prevent equality.
They say, what about their religious rights?It would be one thing if some old minister say he can’t marry someone. But what if this person holds public office/ Can judges be allowed to discriminate That’s what is being attempted in Alabama. The State Supreme Court of Alabama is acting to prevent lower courts from carrying out federal rulings on marriage equality. Right now we have officials showing contempt of the law.
So baby boomers we cannot go gently. We must leave a legacy of equal justice under law. We must continue the good fight. We have not yet left the room.
Anger management
I find myself becoming more upset than usual these days. This seems a bit surprising because I haven’t been upset regularly in several years. I was in a relationship years ago with a person whose temperament completely clashed with mine. She was way too talkative and seemed to focus a lot on her diet and I ended up yelling at her . I saw that hilarious Adam Sandler movie about a guy who simply refused to express any sort of anger. As a result it seemed that people took advantage of him. I find it difficult to deal with a partner with whom I cannot disagree, even sharply, without her falling apart. It’s what I call give and take.
After I say something angrily I quickly apologize. But perhaps I need to dig a little more deeply into why I am becoming a little more angry. Sorry if I was yelling at anyone while writing this blog entry.
I am generally very even tempered, except for when I am watching sports or listing to political commentary. Almost anything uttered by Governor Walker is bound to upset me so I simply turn the station. When the Packers blew that game against Seattle I became so angry I simply turned off the television and left the room. It helped that there was a meeting with the atheist mythicists, actually they were taping a radio program. So I got away from what was bothering me. But I would like to have a little more insight into my personality. If you can find it lurking around somewhere, please mail it back to me.
Creating positive memories
In our family we remember the unpleasantries and the hurts that we have experienced. My mother will regale you with stories about the way her younger sister constantly failed to keep the electric bill paid. And my sister tells of the time when some of our relatives ripped off our mom’s younger brother. We rarely share stories about what made us a family and how we survived the Great Migration. We had land in the south but our ancestors we forced to leave, so the story goes.
But coming north did not keep us together generations have past and the divisions have cut a hole in the things we share. Perhaps creating a hanging quilt and listing our relationships with one another can be a step towards becoming a family once more. I know that our present situation doesn’t work for me any longer.
Designing the quilt tribute
To me it is very important that the color scheme reflect and celebrate diversity. My nephew is in an interracial relationship, and has an amazing daughter Grace, of whom we expect great things. I would like to have our family members’ names embroidered onto the quilt and have enough space for new names to be added. Quilting is celebrated in African-American and many other traditions. My mother learned it from her grandmother and we are hoping that Grace will learn it from our mother. I also want the quilt to travel and be passed down from generation to generation as an heirloom because at this point we don’t have anything that we can say has bound us together. Instead we are more of a family being pulled apart by bitterness and old bad memories.
This picture above is my nephew John and his daughter Grace.
Making a quilt for Mom
The woman in the middle of the picture in this blog is my soon to be 91 year-old mother. She is one of the sources of strength in my life. My companion and I sleep under a quilt that my mother made. Quilting is a part of our heritage as African-Americans. So today when Liz and I went to the St. Charles resale shop I was drawn to a series of quilts nicely displayed in a prominent corner. I am hoping to be able to get a quilt for hanging in our living room and another to send my dear mother. Even though I am giving up the name she gave me, I hope to give her something back. perhaps the woman who makes the quilts will make one I can send my mother.
The quilts I saw were by Ella Brooks, who describes herself as a quilter, teacher and an artist. Della Wells, an artist, author and teacher at UWM, had some pictures of Ella’s work on her Facebook page. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel published an article about Ella several years ago.
Flaming ovens and other holiday traditions
We are halfway through the end of the year holiday season and and so we should take stock off all that we have learned. Lizzy and are are celebrating 14 months of her stubbornly suggesting that I should change my mind when I know I am perfectly right. I just picked up the meat thermometer which reminded me of an amusing incident a week or two ago.
We had gone to the farmer’s market at the 27th street domes and met the wonderful African women who sell sausage and sauces so we decided to buy some. There was an onion sauce that we could not wait to try out.I should explain that Lizzy is one of those cooks who likes to measure, set up timers and go through the whole nine yards, whereas, I prefer to eyeball it. To me, a measuring cup is primarily an emergency cup when the maid has fallen behind with the dishwashing.
Thus it should come as a shock that we own a meat thermometer., having survived several meals of under cooked meats without a single trip to the emergency room. We put the sausage in the oven but we were not exactly certain how long they needed to bake when I remembered the long lost item. I jabbed a couple of sausages, which decided they wanted to fall apart. And somehow out of nowhere we discovered the oven was on fire. The heating element in the electric stove (which is older than both of us) had died and we scurried around trying to figure out what to do. I closed the oven door and wouldn’t you know, that solved everything. The fire went out, having been deprived of oxygen. We finished making our African sausage and rice dish and the next step was figuring out how to tell the landlord we weren’t really trying to burn down the house.
That will be for next year. Heathen’s greetings, friends
Unexpected turbluence
I am somewhere over Ohio on a big Airbus plane with six seats across. I have three seats all to myself as the fasten your seat belt sign was turned off. We were advised to remain seated in case of unexpected turbulence.
So naturally people are moving throughout the cabin. The connection from my Milwaukee to Chicago flight was so quick I wasn’t able to charge my cell phones. It was much different from when I traveled east for mom’s 90th birthday. Delay after delay finally forced me to rent a car to drive the last 60 miles. It was ridiculous. But today there was none of that.
In the fall, I was in a new relationship and struggling with repair bills from my old car. And my companion and I experienced a type of metaphorical unexpected turbulence. We survived a painful time because of our commitment to one another. Now I am on my second vacation of the year and Milwaukee is warming up after a frigid stretch of below freezing days. Lizzy will be driving our little car and the cat will be doing backflips without me being there to tell him go side down somewhere.
I am grateful for the companionship from Lizzy and the cat because they help distract me from my electronic devices. There has never been a cat that did not decide the perfect time for sitting on your lap was whenever you begin to read a book. I get endless pleasure seeing Mickey distract Lizzy from her reading. We three are a cozy little group, with Mickey’s pink nose, Lizzy’s laughter and caring and my wonderfully smooth skin. Thanks mom. We are set for the next turbluence.
Happy anniversary, Lizzy
We have spent one memorable year together.. It’s been a time of growth and change in the mental health system that we have explored together. We are a vital part of the Recovery Advisory Committee that has guided the implementation of Comprehensive Community Services. This Medicaid benefit could potentially speed the recovery of people in Milwaukee County. It may seem strange or unromantic talking about the work that brought us together but that work is an outgrowth of our values, the things that we are about.
We are people who came of age during our nation’s darkest hour, mired in a horrible war in Southeast Asia that killed hundreds of thousands and continues to kill Americans, Vietnamese and so many more. But we didn’t stop with the idea that our country was on the wrong track. We have set out to help people through compassion and service. That is what made us a couple.
This year has included sadness and challenge, the death of a cat and our growth as people. I am the man you were seeking. I am not one of those sappy granola eating guys who will moon over you all day long. I am a lucky oddball who has been fortunate to find someone who matches my various quirks and eccentricities. May the next 40 years be as much fun as the first as we continue the search for intelligent life in Wisconsin
This is one of those time when waiting and looking for a sweet little atheist really paid off. I am always saddened when I read these stories of atheists complaining that they somehow can’t find non-religious people to have as partners and friends. I think they simply need to keep looking. I’m glad that I did.
Why I will never have black walnuts
I just finished talking with my older sister Chris, whose childhood picture is just above. It took place just after the Green Bay Packers and the Buffalo Bills won their respective football games. I used to hate the Packers when I was growing up and cheering for the New York Giants. The Bills were the hometown favorites who began playing in the American Football League. They were champions with Jack Kemp at quarterback. After retiring, Kemp became a congressman and then Secretary of Housing.
But this is a story of home and my wonderful mother’s quirks or flaws, as Lucy from the old Peanuts comic strip would call them. There are several things to know about Mom: she is a retired nurse, she grew up in a small town and she is always involved in some small business which fails due to poor planning. Today I learned that some of these ventures involved black walnuts and squirrels.
Black walnuts like those above may seem harmless but in the hands of an experienced person, they can be power weapons for chaos or make you a fan of squirrels everywhere. My sister talked about how, mom had collected some black walnuts at our old home and left them in the back of a pickup truck overnight. The next day she awoke to find a bunch of squirrels hung over from the walnuts and some marijuana a neighbor had generously donated.
I grew up unaware of this story so as an adult I was free to create my own disaster with the dreaded nuts. When I was living in a small apartment a carpenter friend Brian said that he and his wife had some of these tasty black walnuts they had collected out in the country. If you know anything about these nuts, you know that their shells are as hard as titanium and they have a strong and loud scent. That was what I learned after a week of keeping them in a window. One day after returning home from work, I found a squirrel in the apartment and my roommate and I had to get help from the apartment maintenance man in chasing the overfed rodent out of our humble abode. The walnuts found their way into the garbage and never darkened my door step again.
Today I learned that black walnuts are gracing mom’s garage while the squirrels eagerly sit and watch mom and puff away on their Colorado gold. Some things never change. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
When I'm 64 