Taking our relationship to the next level

Tonight’s story will warm the cockles of your frozen cojones. It is a story intended for adults who are living just south of the Arctic Circle and north of Ha, Ha, we’re so hot here. As I’m typing, I’m sitting here in a sweat suit while Lizzy is wearing 10 layers of whatever women wear at her place. The cats are looking at her like, “this is our fur, and you guys lost yours, so body wax that.” I know a lot of you think, they’re all soft, cuddly and feed me every 20 minutes, but there’s more to it than that.

The reason we are not groping one another like a pair over-sexed 40 year-olds is that the thermostat quit on the coldest day of the year. This, the day when Lizzy used the oldest cliché in late 20th century English: we’re taking our relationship to the next level. It’s older than “$20 just for that?” It’s funnier than “Romo blew another game.” And more meaningful than “it’s not you, it’s me.” If the statement was taken literally, it could suggest several ideas. 1. We’re building a spaceship and expect to be leaving earth in the spring.2. We’re going to try a 3-way and we’d like your advice on how to proceed. 3 we’re going to find Jesus in the desert.

So it’s sounds so prosaic when you understand that we’re moving in together. This has been a year of tremendous discovery. Neither of us expected the year to be ending so well. For a man, finding a woman who looks good while sitting on your lap while wearing your robe is a find. For a woman, finding a man with no drug convictions is a revelation. How could we be so lucky?

I talked with a friend about the idea of finding a life partner today and I was as understanding as I could be. I told him I had found a woman who believes in recovery, and she is a mental health advocate. She had helped to close bad nursing homes, and that attracted me to her. I told him to look for a woman who has something going for herself, because otherwise she will drain your life away. A woman with whom you can talk, watch a movie or sit in silence. A woman who feels like a person and does not need you to fill the emptiness in her soul. That is a woman you can take to the next level. A woman you can bring home to your family and have them buy a warm shirt for her.

Let us all seek to find companions in 2014 whose pictures will not be posted at the local post office. Let’s take life to a whole ‘nother level.

SWikipedia: S (named ess plural esses) is the nineteenth (19th) letter in the ISO basic Latin alphabet.

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